It's British summertime and I am gazing out of my window onto my street, the rain has battered every plant, even the neighbour's purple flowers are paling and withering under the water too soon. I was really looking forward to this bank holiday, summer sitting, tea drinking, warmer lighter clothes. Long evenings with the sound of birds and mowers. Yet I am indoors wearing a jumper and winter trousers. My summer thinking is waterlogged too!
We make up our day moment by moment in our heads, telling ourselves many stories throughout the day, throughout our lives. Just like my washed out summer moment at my window. We simply forget to pause and remember that we are, a person doing our best. Have you ever asked yourself "Who am I being in this moment?"
The moment with all the rain when you could have had a sunny day, the moment with the fussy neighbour, the rude motorist, the angry shopper, the person sitting on the pavement with his head down. Who are you being and are you aware who in each moment?
I wasn't always aware of being able to impact or change myself, or even if I needed to - isn't the blame elsewhere? I don't make the weather so isn't it the rain's fault I am cold and miserable?
WE can be our own best supporters. We can see life as rainy , stormy, miserable , fun, ordinary, hopeful or hopeless.
Imagine if life was one huge greenhouse and every morning, we chose which thoughts we would like to have for the day. And the thoughts had the same perishable life span as the fruit and vegetables in our greenhouse picture.
We would choose and gather thoughts in a blue tray as in the photograph.
Would we overfill our tray?
Would we only pick one kind of thought?
Would we only pick them once and stick with them for the rest of our life, hoping we could use that green tomato thought for everything we experience before it goes furry and off?
And yet . . . we do overburden our thinking when something worries us and we do tend to be stuck in one kind of thought (I can't, I don't, it's not possible to) without noticing. Those limiting voices that go through our heads over and over because we have forgotten how to find hope or be peaceful or to have fun in the rain! We limit ourselves into safe spaces where we stay in the fear spaces because we can't see a way out. We feel we can't do this whatever this is for you.
Where do we begin to even try to escape our own thoughts?
Firstly, we could ask a trusted friend for a chat , let's explore this real life story (mine) and see what happens.
I had 20 minutes to myself, the traffic home after work was too busy to crawl any faster than a snail's pace and the journey robbed me of time to relax before going out to check on my Dad who was in the early stages of dementia. I changed, grabbed a water to go and got back into the car with his home cooked meals in a bag behind me. I spent a few hours with Dad, often washing, cleaning, putting back the electrical appliances he had taken apart at the plug. Leaving simple instructions in large writing for the next day. Then home, sleep , work repeat. This went on for years until I was exhausted, present to everyone except myself. Stuck in a cycle of work, caring, and those motorway queues reflected my 'jam' in my own life. I lost precious nurturing time with friends because I needed to look after dad. I had to leave my job and my social circle became . . . Dad.
One day, at my wits end I asked for help (my sister in law), it did not come in the way I thought and I had to let go of how I saw my sole part in Dad's dementia. She persuaded me to bring in outside help. What a relief! Now I could be Dad's daughter some of the time as well as his carer.
Is there a place in your life where you feel stuck? Lonely? Lost ? Too busy? Maybe through a circumstance or change in your life that is similar or different than mine? I want to share with you how you always have a choice, even if you can't see it like I couldn't and what that might look like for you.
Being of service has to begin with yourself and learning how to notice when fears creep in. For me I begin to lose interest in fun things, or in my creativity ( creating lovely food, walking, reading less, too much in my head). At this point I might ignore the uneasy feeling, push through it like I did when looking after my Dad. Or I might blame the traffic, blame the boss, blame the fussy neighbour, the car, the cat, the news, myself.
This is the true pivotal point, the choice point to wellbeing and self care. A place to observe yourself - without judging yourself or anyone else. You see, we make our stories up through thoughts, we feel them and keep going back there over and over.
OR . . .
We just take 5
Creating a break in our worry, stress or overwhelming thinking is like recharging your phone when the battery is low.
How do you take a break? With a cuppa, get up and change chairs, change rooms with a new view; go outside and feel the expanse of the sky (take your brolly if you are in England!)
Close your eyes right now if it is possible and you feel you can. This momentarily slows down and sometimes turns off all the outside distractions coming at once. Notice your breathing, or listen to sounds around you as they arise, then let them fall away again. This is the space before anything, before thoughts, before feelings. It is a space where you can come to renew yourself - an inner space of wellbeing. A space we were born with.
When we let go of the 'content' of our thinking, we slow it down and it returns to being neutral / OK , non judgemental or personal. We become more like our true nature. We ALWAYS have access to this true nature and when we forget or are less aware we get lost in our story although now, you know it is not forever. There is hope.
Mind State
Here is a simple 3 minute video I did for schools that can be applied to all of us
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